The Cautionary Tale of Baron Humperdink

Hearken, ye people, to my short but sad tale
Of a man who was ruled by envy and greed
And another man sent away sadder and wiser
And a moral to this story that’s simple, indeed.

Now Good Baron Humperdink (he’s called Hump for short)
Was a kind man, and well liked by his people, it’s told
Come from humble beginnings, he’d point out quite often
And he gave many gifts, both of silver and gold.

The barony he lived in had many fine jewels
Admired they were, through the lands far and wide
And every so often they’d display these jewels
People came from all round to be shown them with pride.

But one day came a man from the west with another
A shinier bauble, and a bigger one, too
And he said: "see, I found this, in lands not too distant
Let’s clean it up, show it off, and enjoy the view."

"We’ll look and we’ll marvel and then leave it be
As nice as we found it, ‘neath warm southern sun
For something this gorgeous belongs to us all
So we’ll look, and then put it back safe when we’re done."

And the people agreed, and lo, it was done
The jewel it sparkled and shone in the sun
But that wasn’t enough for this one greedy Baron
For it outshone all his, and that couldn’t be done.

So Humperdink’s heart froze with envy and greed
And he plotted and schemed and came up with a plan
He’d do it the quick way, which didn’t take courage
Which was good, since ol’ Hump’s not a courageous man.

So we’ll shorten this story, grown long in the telling
The baron, he came and he did what he said
The man from the west was kicked out and sent packing
And the jewel belongs now to the Baron, instead.

So I caution my listeners ‘gainst envy and greed
For the Baron will long live in infamy of deed.
There’s a moral to this – but you already know it;
Like Geoff Chaucer said, never piss off a poet.